Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
