Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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