Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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