I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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