If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
