had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
