Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
This is my gift to your gina
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
