It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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