this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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