Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
