shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
