2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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