i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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