I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
