We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
