Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
