She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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