No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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