Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
