You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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