I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
