I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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