Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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