i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
