I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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