u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
