Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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