After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
