Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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