She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
