I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
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just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
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You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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