so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
