How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
