I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize