it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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