I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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