I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
