woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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