great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
