i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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