Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
