Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm sobbing to NWA
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
