I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
