My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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