I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
