Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
