Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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