My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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