I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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