if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
