Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
