Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
