i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Randomize
