Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize