for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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