life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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