if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
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