I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
