Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
