Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
