I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
