God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
