I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
