Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
