M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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