Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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